Ive beendoing the wrong thing, I never usualy do beause i like to do the right thing, and think i am a good person.
Lately this is not how its going. Im thinking maybe ill fit in better if im like others and actually take chances, whether it be the wrong or right thing to do.
The choices im making right now, yeah, i would say it has somthing to do with a particular person doing a particulr thing where he stabbed me in the heart and ripped it out threw it on the floor and stompedon it untill it had completely stopped beating then fed it though a paper shredder.
Yeah what a description. T hats what happened.
Do i hate him? I dont like him thats for sure, but right now im kind of feeling numb, i am sure thats bad but right now i think id rather feel numb than anything else.
Some people feel (i think) like they dont want to talk about it because im touchy about it, but i need them to bring it up becuase they havent realy said much and it hurts cause it feels like they dont care, when i know they do, but i need to see it! I relay want to get away......where? i dunnoWho with?? i dunno, 5 week ago if you asked me that i wouldve had a question.
I want to swear but noone i hang with does, i want to scream , but everyone can hear......ok a bit too deep now...im scaring myelf... noones going to read this...it just gives me a venting area.
The thing im doing thats wrong? Its nothing big.... dont panic....just a little somthing in a way it doesnt feel w rong and then my concence gets the better of me and is like "what are you doing the old me wouldnt do that!!" and im like shuttup it makes me feel....well somthing... so its got to be good. But i know its not. Sick of this SHIT!
Ive been acting SO HAPPY its rediculous, this is the...one of the hardest pieces of shit ive gone through and i cant seem to feel anything WHATS WRONG WITH ME.....its like when a particular somone died in my life...i...couldnt feel, i couldnt hurt why??? i dont know...is there somthing wrong with me? Ive had 3 people die...... why isnt it affecting me the way it should, i want to cry then i force myself and then ......its being fake, i think im shielding myself and i can never let anyone in to my heart cause they will dissapoint me.......is there anyone who wont disapoint me.....im serching.... i thought i had my sould mate but.....they disapointed me i need to searchagain. Maybe i need to find me first. Do i need to travel to do this? maybe.... whre would i go? its so dangerous for a girl to travel alone.....i need somone i can picture them..... its a guy for some reason maybe cause i dont have a good guy friend i can be dependent on. One that is close to me who i can go to. One that will never disapoint me. That i can laugh with...i had that once.....the dickhead just pissed off.
I think....Empty spaces fill where i once felt.
Labels: danielle ivison, emotions, heartbreak, sad
